Ted Casablanca reveals clues about the mysterious Vanilla Fill-ya:
'Twas just another junket for hottie Vanilla Fill-ya--a much more daring adventurer in the boudoir than his teenybopper fans realize. Alas, these media affairs must get so tiresome after a teensy while. Perhaps, then, a combination of jaded boredom and curious kinkiness is what drove Vanilla Fill-ya. to step into a rather spacious stall with a cute gent for some on-your-knees, open-your-mouth fun.
Van was serviced, natch. I mean, he is, like, pretty famous.
You know, I'm never one to balk at the surprise-he's-gay-but-shhh news. However, I admit I am rather stunned about Van's bi-licious tendencies. His image is so freakin' straight. In fact, Vanilla Fill-ya's the guy your teenage daughter is convinced should take her to the prom and deflower her under the bleachers before homecoming queen and king are crowned.
And yet, it's pretty common knowledge in Hell-Ay that Mr. Fill-Ya's a big-time he-ho. No, not a Bruce Willis 24/7 flirter, more of a pathological mattress masher of endless female flesh.
Well, good to know you're open to all kinds of sexiness, Van. But you might wanna do a bit like other same-sex studmuffin's in town do, and get the confidentiality agreements signed before that next bathroom door is locked.